Fine Feathers
by XXEllenCullenXX
Summary: Peeta has returned to a distraught Katniss, can he help pick up the pieces of her and make her whole again? The bits in between the end of Chapter 27 and the epilogue in Mockingjay.
1. Epilogue: Homecoming

**Chapter 1**

As the train sped away from district thirteen towards twelve I began to really worry. Sitting back in my seat I thought back to the conversation I had with Dr Aurelius last night.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He had asked sitting across from me.

"Yeah, i'm sure. Where else would i go? I don't fit in here, or the Capitol. There's no place for me" I answered honestly. Since the rebels won and the resistance ended I had wondered around, waiting for somewhere to feel right. The days were too rigid in thirteen, the capitol was out of the question despite Plutarch asking me over and over again to join his "United Districts" I just couldn't face that place again. Especially when I had only just started to feel human again, sane again.

"I think you don't really want to fit in Peeta" Dr Aurelius stated, looking down his glasses at me. I liked this man, he had an uncanny ability to see things, things that always seemed so much simpler when he said them.

"Maybe not" I laughed and he smiled at me, knowing perfectly well why I had decided to return to twelve.

"It won't be the same Peeta, your family, your home is gone and she's not the same either" he spoke softly darting a concerned glance over at me.

There was no kidding anyone why I was going back, I was going back because I couldn't fit in anywhere without her. It had be agony having her here in thirteen, watching her killing Coin with that feral look in her eyes, like she was no longer human. It was that look that told me I needed to get my hand over that pouch with her pill in it. Feeling her bite, breaking the skin. It was the worst thing I had seen, to see someone who had survived so much want to give up everything and the look in her eyes when i stopped her….. utter betrayal, helplessness, misery. It had been agony seeing her like that but it was worse not seeing her at all. I had to get back to her because she needed me there, to help her get back to herself, to get back to some semblance of humanity. I hadn't clawed myself back to her for her to just give up.

"I have to go home" I told him.

And with that the next morning I got on on the dreaded old victory tour train along with fifty other District 12 residents wanting to return home, The train ran two ways now from the capitol to thirteen dropping visitors off, returning rebels to their family, sharing resources and finally opening up the channels between districts. I sat by the window in my old room watching our approach to twelve. Luckily the train station and tracks were quite a way from the main town and survived despite the bombings. As we approached the station I saw in the distance the mangled sooty remains of my home. I took a deep breath as i felt a panicky prickly feeling coming over me. Using the trick the doctors taught me in thirteen of starting with the simplest thing I know to be true and going backwards.

My name is Peeta Mellark. I am nineteen years old. The rebellion is over, there is no Capital. I am coming home to twelve. I will see her soon.

An ache up through my chest started when I thought of her, I hadn't seen her in months and now there was a chance I would see her in a few hours. I leant back in my seat and let the exhaustion from the previous sleepless night take me over. Not long now.


	2. Chapter 1: The Meeting

**Chapter 1: First Meeting**

We pulled into the station as I grabbed my trunk from the overhead compartment, joining the long line of District Twelve citizens returning. I was the only one with someone waiting, Haymitch stood at the end of the platform with, surprisingly, a young lamb on a rope in his left hand. I hobbled over to him as fast as my artificial leg would let me and before he could complain pulled him into a hug.

"Hi there, boy" he gruffed as I let him go. People were passing him on their way out of the station, saying a polite hello, some even patting him on the back. I raised my eyebrow slightly "I know right? First time i've ever been popular".

We followed the throngs of people headed to the Victors Village. There were about thirty houses in the village each able to house in excess of ten people so, since it was the only area not bombed, the citizens would live there for now. Their quarters were closer to town, a good ten minutes walk from where Haymitch and i would be living. As we got closer to town the citizens hurried through town, the odd cry heard but otherwise silence. I had seen twelve first hand already, Dr Aurelius had taken me as part of my therapy but still I felt an ache in my heart when we walked through the square and saw a pile of bricks where my families bakery once stood. As we walked through the entrance of the Victors Village and people began to disappear into house I finally managed to ask the question bubbling on my lips.

"How is she?" I asked turning to Haymitch who had, apart from the old barked command at the lamb been silent on our journey. His brow furrowed instantly.

"Not good" he answered.

"How bad?" I asked softly, praying to keep the quiver out of my voice.

"Being truthful, she's almost catatonic. She barely eats unless someone force feeds her, she doesn't wash. She just sits and …. stares" He coughed slightly, a habit he had whenever something would upset him. "To tell the truth i have no idea what to do with her" the words broke my heart because even though she had been in Thirteen, full of rage some of her was still there. It sounded like she had done the thing I was most afraid of, she'd given up. Given up on living, on dying and just existing in the void between two. It made me so angry too, they had all used her. She was the rebel's mockingjay, the Capitol's darling, the girl on fire all but snuffed out. And now she was of no use, ruined to the point of being unfixable and they dumped her to live out her life in a lonely and miserable existence. Just like the Capitol did to Haymitch all those years ago. Well I wasn't going to give up on her.

"I want to see her" I told Haymitch.

"Look, i'm glad your back kid but I think you came back for all the wrong reasons. She's been like this three months and I can't snap her out of it. If you came back for Katniss Everdeen, then I think you'll be disappointed because she's not here anymore" I turned to him fuming that him of all people should give up on her.

He stopped and looked me in the eyes "I've tried my best, really. I just hope you can be more help than me" the rage began to subside in me and I nodded, Still too upset to speak. "I'll tell Sae you want to see her and knock on your door when it's time, okay?" I nooded and he smiled "Good to have you back, boy" and I knew he didn't just mean back in District Twelve. With that he turned and let himself into his house pulling the lamb in with him. I hadn't even thought to ask about the lamb.

I walked along the street to my house turning my head to see the house opposite mine, her house. All the lights were off but a flickering in the downstairs told me the living room fire was lit. I could easily just walk into the house now, see her but I trusted Haymitch's judgment and let myself into my own house. It creaked in welcome and I shivered remembering how much I hated this empty, dusty house even when my family were alive as it reminded me of how alone I was. I dropped my suitcase off in my room and went downstairs to make some hot chocolate that I remembered being in the cupboard. As I was stirring the hot water into it I looked through the window over at her house. Who was a kidding? I wasn't waiting for Haymitch because I trusted his judgment I was a being a coward. I was scared that I would walk into that house and she would scream that she didn't want me there, that I had hurt her too much, that I was a reminder that she didn't want and that I should get back on that train and leave her alone. Some part of me genuinely thought that would happen, even years on she was impossible to predict.

A knock on the door woke me from my fears and I opened it nodded to Haymitch, grabbed my coat and made the walk to her house. Haymitch didn't knock, just let himself in. I entered to the smell of roasting meat and saw Sae in the kitchen cutting potatoes.

"Hello there" she smiled at me turning around to embrace me. I had had minimal contact with Greasy Sae, being from town but Katniss knew her from the early days and given the decimation of Twelve's population anyone from home seemed like family to me.

"Where is she?" Haymitch gruffed.

"In the living room" Sae answered. Haymitch nodded me into the room then sat down at the kitchen table and started to chatter with Sae loudly, trying to give us some privacy I assumed. I walked into the living room that was warm and clean with a crackling fire and the smell of meat. I looked around and thought Sae must be mistaken as no one seemed to be here. I turned to ask her again but a small whimper stopped me. The sound came from a red arm chair pulled close to the fire. I made my way around the room and finally laid my eyes on her.

Katniss Everdeen.

She was curled up in the armchair, her knees up around her chin playing with a little piece of rope, tying and untying it. Her eyes looked too big for her face, her cheekbones jutted out from her skin and her wrists looked like a childs as the meticulously worked at the knots in the rope. I was so shocked I could barely say anything, but after a while of watching her I began to see Katniss in there, the braid was a real give away although her hair was dirty and matted. The movement of her hands with the rope were another, i'd know those hands anywhere, how they rested on a bow, on a face…. She was so beautiful.

I suddenly had to be closer to her and bent down to be closer to her level, her eyes however were vacant and looking into the fire. I reached out my hand to touch hers and said her name softly, hoping she would at least look at me. As my hand touched her she began to scream, but still her eyes stayed vacant.

Within a minute Sae was rushing in to help. I shot up at the scream backing off in case I had somehow lost control and hurt her again without realising. "I'm sorry, I didn't do anything…." I stuttered.

"Not to worry" Sae twittered "She sometimes does that when someone touches her, todays a bad day anyway. You're okay, aren't you?" Sae asked Katniss but she was vacant again, silent. She'd stopped making knots.

Suddenly I couldn't be there, seeing her like that, so much worse than I imagined. I turned and fled out of the door feeling the symptoms of a venom attack coming on.

I am Peeta Mellark. I am nineteen years old, I am Peeta Mellark. I am Peeta Mellark. They have broken Katniss Everdeen.

"Peeta!" Haymitch snapped me out of it, although he was a good way back with his hands up I motioned him forward to let him know I was in control.

"Is she always like that?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"Not always that…. empty. Sometimes she shouts and screams at me, like the old Katniss. Other days she just shouts and screams at nothing in particular" he sounded resigned, tired, "Sae takes care of her"

The rage returned "Barely! They've just left her there, in that state because she's not useful anymore!" my vision blurred and I had to start my mantra again. I am Peeta Mellark.

"Plutarch sends medication, Dr Aurelius calls she just ignores it. She doesn't want to get better!" Haymitch said

" Dr. Aurelius can help her, I know he can" I turned to Haymitch imploring him to agree.

"She doesn't want to get better" Haymitch sighed shaking his head.

"Then we have to make her want to get better" I stated simply. It was that simple I turned and walked towards my house, hearing Haymitch sigh behind me. I walked through the door, closing it with thud. I would make her want to get better.


	3. Chapter 2: Primroses

**Chapter 3: Primroses**

The next day started early with me being woken at 4am by nightmares. I padded downstairs in the cold surprised how untouched the place was. A whole new Panem, a whole new Peeta but the same floors and furniture. I wandered into the pantry and saw flour, yeast all the thing needed for baking. I decided to bake something for Katniss, no cheese for cheese buns but I could at least make her some fresh bread. I began to make it almost automatically kneading, and pushing the dough into the shape. As I did this I began to think about what would make Katniss want to get better, why would she? She'd lost everything, her freedom, her sister and had been left deserted by those who were meant to love her.

I thought back to when I was at my darkest, the first thing that came to mind was the feeling of the straps on my wrists, I wanted to rub them out of habit but my hands were covered in dough. I looked down at them, seeing the scars where the straps bit into my wrists during the capital's torture and later in thirteen while I struggled to get out, to hurt Katniss. I shivered as I remembered the last bit, still feeling the tingling in my fingers I felt when I strangled her, remembering the joy I felt when i saw the life leaving her eyes, knowing I would be safe.

Remembering was painful and I kneaded the dough harder. I am Peeta Mellark, I am Peeta Mellark, I will save Katniss Everdeen.

If I thought back to the shadow of a person I was during the capital invasion I had an idea of how Katniss felt now. The thing about misery and pain is it takes you away, drowns you in the darkness, clouds your vision, take's your voice, holds you down and controls you until it's no longer you walking about. It's the misery, you become a passenger in your own mind, clawing at a force that feels so much stronger than you. What had really helped me was memories, remembering who I was, separate from Katniss because those memories were twisted and distorted. That is what Dr Aurelius had said to me he was doing this in his therapy, returning the power to me so one day I wasn't the passenger anymore but the pilot. It had started with Deli, telling me who I was, reminding me of myself. Even then Katniss came up because she was so much of my past and who I grew to become but Dr Aurelius made sure I was the priority, understanding who I was. He introduced art therapy, showed clips of me in the Hunger Games, painting, drawing with the morphlings. Told me to draw it out, do what Peeta would do and not what the Capitol would do. He introduced me to myself again. I remember one day in particular that proved helpful.

I was sitting in a room in thirteen about six months after I returned, by now I was usually allowed to walk about without restraints but Dr Aurelius had strapped me in, knowing this exercise would included the mention of Katniss, something that never failed to get a violent response out of me. He started by bringing in residents of thirteen and asking them who I was and how they would describe me from what they had perceived, heard or knew.

A young girl sat in front of me, twiddling her thumbs. She was tall and well fed, one of the few children alive in district thirteen and obviously a prized commodity.

"Do you know who this is?" Dr Aurelius had asked her quietly.

"Yes" she said. "That's Peeta Mellark" she whispered spying up at me through her red bangs.

"Can you tell me three words that describe him?" the Doctor asked.

She giggled, which made me smile. Her expressive eyes were clear and innocent. She reminded me of Prim….Katniss. The anger started filling up, maybe Prim wasn't innocent but a trick Katniss played on me, to draw me in with her love for her. Katniss wanted me, Katniss would be the end of me.

"That's silly" the girl said and it broke me mid - thought, she stared at me and I knew it was stupid to think Katniss had deceived me in Prim's pureness, all children were innocent. It was just my eyes that had been smeared with hate. My hands shook with self-loathing as I stared at the innocent girl in front of me.

"Just give it a try" Dr Aurelius encouraged the girl.

She was looking at me, when she said "Brave".

"Why do you say that, because of the games?" Dr Aurelius asked. I felt a shiver go through me when he said games.

"No" she stopped, thinking. "When he told Katniss he loved her and when he told Panem he had a crush on her. It's brave to tell someone how you feel if you don't know what they'll say back. It's brave to tell the truth" She whispered.

"And does Peeta tell the truth?" Dr Aurelius asked.

"Always" she smiled at me. "He wouldn't lie, I know that. Even if my mother says he does" She whispered.

"Okay so, Brave, truthful . . . what's the last word?" He asked her, smiling.

She turned a bright shade of pink and suddenly blurted out "Handsome!" before giggling and hiding in her hair. I was sobbing by then, hearing her say those things about me. An innocent seeing me that way when all that was in my head was blackness. The day had been long and I heard a lot of descriptions; traitor, soft, charismatic, persuasive, enduring, selfless.

Dr Aurelius then brought in some survivors from twelve, mostly people I had only known in passing as the majority of the survivors had been from the Seam, those used to breaking the rules. Whilst those in town stayed in their homes like they were told and burnt. All Katniss's fault. I stopped myself, Katniss didn't push that button, Snow did. Snow killed those people, Snow killed my parents not Katniss. One visitor was Delly, a regular in my treatment, she had said "History, Family and Love" before colouring and hastily leaving. Then Plutarch who said "strategic, safe and guilt" that I assumed was more about him then me but that was always the way with Plutarch.

The last two were the hardest, first Haymitch walked in, grey, irritable and sober. He sat down with a thump.

"Hello, crazy" He sneered. This wasn't the first time i'd seen him since i'd come to thirteen and my anger towards him had ebbed. I reminded myself Katniss hadn't left me in the arena for the Capital to get, Haymitch had. Katniss wouldn't do that because she cared about me. It seemed a story I was telling myself but i'd been told the love on her part had been a story but I knew mine had to be real. There was no way you could hate someone this deeply unless you had loved them equally as deeply.

"Not him" I pleaded to Dr Aurelius. "Please" I whispered, struggling against the restraints.

"Why not, Peeta?" he asked quietly.

"Because… I don't want to hurt anyone" I struggled more, exhausted by the effort of the activity and the emotional exhaustion of the exercise.

"Why not" Dr Aurelius asked again.

"Because… that's not who I am" I slumped in defeat spying Dr Aurelius smiling slightly at my answer. There was silence for a few minutes. I groaned "Just get your words over and done with then!" that was directed at Haymitch.

Haymitch had been watching my struggle with critical eyes. His craggy face impassive, I always found it hard to read him, not like Katniss who seemed to have an almost telepathic connection to this bitter man. I could never read Katniss either, her face flashed in my head, impassive. It wasn't shiny or distorted like it usually was. She was frowning, she was crying, she was laughing, she was watching me. She was beautiful.

"Salvation" Haymitch whispered, still looking at me. I scoffed, as if I could find salvation anymore.

"It's that meant to be funny? My _salvation_ …" I sneered the word "is long gone."

"Who said anything about it being yours?" He snapped. That shut me up. We were silent for a minute.

"Go on, Haymitch" Dr Aurelius said. Haymitch shot him a dark look.

He opened his mouth, closed it again and finally said "Hope". He looked down at his nails and grunted.

I sighed, feeling the pressure build in my chest. Crying in front of a little girl was one thing but I was not going to let Haymitch see me cry. He looked at me, squinted before standing up suddenly said.

"Son" before turning and exiting the room with a loud bang.

"Well that was interesting" Dr Aurelius said before sighing and leaning back in his chair. He pulled some keys from his pocket and unlocked the straps on my wrist. I stretched my hands, rubbing the wrists.

"Are we done?" I asked softly, rubbing my eyes as one tear escaped.

"Actually, Peeta there is one more person I want you to see" he spoke softly.

"I'm tired, Doc" I groaned.

"I know Peeta, it won't take long" I held my hands out for the shackles to be put on again but Dr Aurelius shook his head.

"It's not going to be Katniss is it?" I asked smiling.

He laughed " No, Katniss is currently in another District" he answered before getting up to open the door. I leaned heavily back on a chair, feeling an odd sadness. It had sustained me that Katniss was somewhere close, walking, eating, breathing at first it was a comfort to know she was close enough to kill but now I found myself sitting in the hospital wing thinking what she was doing, out of curiosity and not hatred. I didn't like that we were separated. Some quiet steps alerted me to the presence of someone else in the room.

I looked up to see Primrose Everdeen walking in the door, her hair in a braid and wearing the uniform worn by Healers in District 13. I felt a rush of emotion flood me and I held onto the table to stop me flying over and doing… who knows what.

"Doc?" I spoke through gritted teeth. "I need to be restrained"

"No you don't Peeta" he sat down with a sigh.

I looked up at Prim who was sitting in front of me now, expecting to see fear but instead she just looked worried. I had forgotten that Prim was kind.

"Hello, Peeta" she whispered. I was shocked to see she was crying, what had I done to upset her?

"Why are you crying?" I asked, incredulous.

"I hate seeing you like this, I know Katniss does too. That's why she left. She's not strong enough" Prim wiped her eyes and smiled at me weakly.

I swallowed at the mention of Katniss, feeling hate pool but I suppressed it as I watched Prim. I found myself wanting to reach out to her, comfort her.

"Dr Aurelius said I could help you today, I've been asking to help for weeks but he said you weren't well enough yet" She smiled "Guess you are now."

"Why?" I asked.

"Why what" she smiled, dabbing her eyes with the tissue Aurelius had passed her.

"Why did you want to help?" My arms fell at my side, I knew I couldn't hurt Prim.

"Because you were hurting? And you helped protect someone I love, it's the least I can do" She must have seen me flinch at Katniss' name so she didn't say it again.

"I also strangled someone you love" I stated bluntly.

"No, you didn't" She shook her head.

"I did Prim." I remembered her slender neck in my hands.

"No _, you_ didn't. The capitol did. You and the capitol are separate people" she stated as if it was matter of fact.

"How do you know?"

"I know _you_ and you would never do that to Katniss. It's not in your nature" she shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm not so sure" I slumped down, feeling the sadness take me. Then I felt it, her little hands were stroking my hair, I shot up because no one had touched me except the doctors since the Capitol. She smiled at me and stroked my face.

"You wouldn't do that. You love her" She smiled at me. With the confusion too much and the last few hours taking hold of me and this child's kindness I just gave in and I sobbed until they had to sedate me.

Prim had visited me everyday after that, she was the only one who I could bear to hear memories about Katniss from and she'd watch the footage with me and smile when I got better and cried when I got worse. I looked out of the window as the sun came up, returning to the present and pried the dough off my hands. I remembered the flames engulfing her little body and Katniss frantic screams as she pushed further in the fire to get to her.

I suddenly knew what had to be done, discarding the bread I ran and grabbed my coat from the hook and a spade from the basement. I trekked through the Victors village and the burnt remains of the Seam, following directions Katniss had explained in a story she'd told me about her first times in the woods. I saw the fence in the distance, charred and burnt so it was easy to step through the gaps. I jogged into the meadow, spying a Primrose bush that I often saw Prim looking at through the railings when she was a child. As a boy i'd be up early running deliveries for my Mother and see Katniss bent over the bush, picking blooms to bring home to her sister. I got to the bushes, carefully digging the roots up. It was exhausting, my muscles aching especially since I hadn't done any real exercise in months to let the new skin heal. It was light before I was finished and I could hear people milling about the town starting the rebuild. It was a few minutes later that I heard.

"Hey! Peeta!" I turned recognizing a boy from the Seam i'd been at school with, I couldn't remember his name.

He hit my back as he helped me pull the bush up, I began to lift it.

"I got it" he smiled as he took the bush and put it into the wheelbarrow he'd brought with him. He wheeled it to the street as I got my breath back. He didn't ask any questions.

"I'll bring it back when i'm done" I told him.

"No worries" He smiled, hitting my back one last time before running back towards town to help with the rebuild. In the distance I saw a number of Seam men who waved in my direction as I pushed the wheelbarrow towards Katniss's house. On my way I saw a few volunteers, up early to help with the rebuild. I was met with smiles and waves everywhere, Plutarch had warned me life would be like this since peace was declared and our war effort televised, it felt strange to be so popular. I let myself into Katniss back garden through her side gate, knowing it was unlikely she'd get up to let me in.

I had been planting for over twenty minutes before I heard the door open. SHe was standing on the porch with a blanket around her. I could see her bare, skinny legs.

"You're back" her tone was accusatory, her voice hoarse but I thrummed with pleasure at the sound. I decide not to tell her she saw me yesterday in case it scared her.

"Dr Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday" another a lie, no need to scare her off with my need for her. "By the way, he said he can't keep pretending to treat you forever. You have to pick up the phone"

She pushed her hair out of her eyes and I felt a piercing in my heart. She's was a mess but she's was so beautiful, I had a hard time staying where I am.

"What are you doing?" She barked at me and I wanted to laugh, she couldn't have looked less intimidating than she did right then.

"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up." At first it looked like she was going to run at me, she looked at the bush with fear and I suddenly thought of roses and how they reminded her of Snow. Realisation dawned in her eyes as she registered they were Primroses.

"For her" I said quietly "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."

She nodded once and turned to flee into the house. Not before I saw the tears in her eyes. I knew then this was how I would help her, I had to make her herself again. I had to, there was no other choice.


	4. Chapter 3: Rebuild

**Chapter 3: Rebuild**

I hurried over the next day, anxious to see Katniss again, anxious to talk to her. I crossed the path to her house, noticing various figures heading into town to help the rebuild. I'd join them later. I knocked on her door lightly, knowing it was unlikely she'd answer it. Sae opened the door, somehow I couldn't call her Greasy Sae as Katniss did.

She smiled widely "Peeta! Come in" she shepherded me in. "We're just about to have breakfast if you want to join us". I looked in the kitchen, expecting to see Katniss but instead saw a young girl carefully embroidering a bit of cloth.

"Me' granddaughter" Sae explained. "She's all I've got left now" she returned to the dishes. I looked around, spying that same chair pushed near the fire and knew Katniss would be sitting in it. Pain cut through me, aching in my throat. She was all I had now, If indeed she was mine. I coughed to push the pain away, plastering on a smile and handed Sae some bread I made earlier when the nightmares had prevented sleep.

"Thanks" she nodded towards the garden "You do those? I noticed them on my way in. That poor girl…" she stopped herself quickly as I heard an intake of breath from the chair. I made my way towards the living room.

"Hello Katniss" She had that vague expression on her face, the same as the first time I saw her but this time her hands were stroking a huge yellow cat. Buttercup's eyes turned to me and I held a hand out for him to push his head against.

"Hello, friend" I whispered to him, feeling Katniss's huge brown eyes focus in on me. I swallowed as I met her gaze, scared of the lifelessness of them. Instead as we met eyes I saw a spark in them, a tilt of the head so achingly familiar that pain caught in my throat. Would Katniss Everdeen ever stop taking my breath away? I doubted it.

I sat down to breakfast soon after and ate quietly, listening to the chatter of Sae and her granddaughter. When I was finished, Sae swept my plate away.

"Off you go then" she stated.

"What" I asked the old woman.

"Gotta help with the rebuild, need as many hands as possible" I was torn, loathed to leave Katniss. I was worried that a breeze would come in and she would fly away, fragile and light as she was. The mockingjay would take off forever. I remembered a dream I had when I was held in the Capitol, the straps tight on my wrists. I was running through the woods in the first arena after a Mockingjay whose tail feathers were silver, flitting through the night. Despite how hard I ran I couldn't catch it, it would simply fly away from me. That nightmare haunted me through all the torture, the fact dawning on me that I would never catch up with that beautiful bird.

"I'll keep an eye on her, but you can take over this evening if it'll rest you easy" I thanked Sae, and headed towards town. The spring air was soft on my face as I stumbled towards town, not bothering to look in on Haymitch knowing it was too early for him to be up or sober enough to construct a sentence. The Village was deserted on this end, without the Capital to maintain the area it was overgrown and messy, the forest reclaiming its lost land.

It took me twenty minutes to get into the town, my leg cramping often as I wasn't used to the exercise yet. It bothered me alot, I wanted to be strong again physically, healthy. As I neared town people appeared, seemingly working on the rebuild from the outskirts of town inwards. I saw many Seam people, distinctive in their dark colouring, those from District 11, dark skinned and able footed. Since peace District 12 and 11, closest in distance, had struck up an unlikely friendship and when Plutarch appealed for volunteers to help the rebuild in 12 most of the volunteers had been from 11. I bet they still remembered how Katniss wept when Rue died. I wish she was here to see this, people of 12, 11, loggers from 7, and even some golden haired volunteers from 1 and 2 digging through the ruble to create something new. A new Panem.

Once again I was astonished at the welcome I experienced, many putting down tools to clap. I shrugged off pats on the back and handshakes. Seeing the Seam boys I had seen yesterday I hurried over.

"Hey, what are you doing here" The tall Seam boy that had helped me yesterday called over to me as I drew nearer.

"I'm here to help" I said as I pulled my sleeves up.

"There's no need, you've done more than enough" He answered gravely, his companions nodding with him.

"This is my home too" I said. That seemed enough for him and he nodded. "Not sure how much help I'll be what with the fact I've been out for a while and my leg" I motioned to my prosthetic.

"I don't know Com, I've seen you haul some pretty heavy stuff" the use of "Com" made me smile, it was a nickname that I had only heard been used in 12, comrade, brother. I scoffed as I grabbed some rubble and threw it into his wheelbarrow.

"I forgot to give that back" I stated pointing to the wheelbarrow.

"Yeah. I just grabbed it from Everdeen's porch this morning, don't worry about it" He smiled at me, grunting as he shifted a particularly heavy rock.

I was shocked by the "Everdeen" I was so used to everyone knowing her as Katniss now because of the games. I guess he knew her before the games, in school I remembered people called her "Everdeen" somehow Katniss being too intimate for the aloof and isolated girl who stomped through the corridors. I suddenly wanted to ask him about her, if they were friends. I stopped myself though, Katniss didn't have many friends. I was probably the one person who knew her best but that meant I was the best person to bring her back.

"I'm Dart, by the way" The Seam boy smiled over at me.

"I'm Peeta" I smiled back.

"I know" he laughed and his companions joined in and I found myself laughing along with him. It seemed everyone in Panem knew who Peeta Mellark was…

By mid-afternoon I was pouring with sweat, pulling off my shirt I tried not to look at the patchy skin leftover from the burns but I couldn't help notice the stares of the volunteers. Instead of feeling disgusted by the stares I felt proud, proud of the scars that help forge the possibility of freedom, of all of us working side by side. By the time the sun went down I hardly noticed the ugly pink skin and instead focused on the muscles pulling and constricting in my arms as I lifted. When the sun was down I walked back to town with Dart and the other volunteers, them peeling away until it was just me. I walked straight into Katniss', not bothering to knock now. I sat down to the dinner Sae had left us, seeing Katniss had an untouched bowl on the table next to her chair and ate. Never feeling further away from her. When I was finished I grabbed a blanket from upstairs, leaving it on the table next to the untouched food and fled to a lonely and sleepless night. So the routine began, each day the same and each day Katniss would sit in that chair watching the fire with that fat yellow cat waiting patiently on her lap and everyday my heart broke more and more.


	5. Chapter 4: Cleanse

Chapter 5: Cleanse

The days passed slowly, quietly. The hum of the workers around me, the sound of digging, pulling, rebuilding. The smell of ash replaced by earth, fresh and open. The nights passed silently, just the sound of my spoon scraping on my bowl. It was agony to sit there and watch Katniss so empty, vacant, getting dirtier and thinner every time I saw her. A few time I considered getting up and forcing her to eat a bite of the food Sae always left us, pulling her up, slapping her to bring her back to herself but I always stopped myself. I remembered the first time I saw her again, her scream at my touch. I thought to myself, Katniss has had too many people forcing her to do things in her life. I did not want to be that, be them. Many nights I left thinking I wouldn't come back again but every morning I walked over to her house, the strange magnetic pull I always felt between us compelling me. Yet as deeply as seeing her this way hurt me, I couldn't let go of the elation at the idea that we had both survived, damaged yes but alive and best of all we were together. We had made it and I knew even if this depression lasted her whole life I would always be there in the mornings because we had survived together and we would keep on surviving together.

One night I got back particularly late, having helped Dart move rubble from the town square to allow the volunteers to start rebuilding the shop fronts tomorrow. I dragged my feet, dusty and dirty from the work and felt pain when I looked at the empty house, with its flickering firelight the only sign someone lived there. With a heavy sigh I pushed open the door, not bothering to look Katniss's way, focusing instead on the dinner that would be cold but would line my belly. I had just sat down when I heard a faint groan from the fireside.

"Katniss?" I was used to groans and moans coming from her seat but never one so pained. I hurried over, moving around the chair to see Katniss curled up, sobbing. On her lap was her father's hunting jacket, a large rip in the centre of the back. In her hand was her hunting knife, glinting with red. I gasped as I saw a long gash down the length of her arm, bleeding still but the dried blood on the edges told me it had been cut for a while. I reached a hand out to help her somehow, grab the knife, the jacket.

"No!" she screamed as I reached out. Ignoring her I grabbed the knife and wrenched it out of her hand. Grabbing the injured arm to pull it closer to have a look. She thrashed, pulling her arm away, I held on tight.

"No Katniss, let me look." I tried to sound reassuring, trying not to think about her and the nightlock pill. I pulled her arm straight and she whined in pain. I prodded the outside of the wound that luckily still looked clean and uninfected but I wasn't taking any chances.

"We'll need to clean this off before it gets infected" I stated while Katniss yanked her arm away. Knowing she wouldn't come willingly I hooked one arm under her knees and lifter her up.

"Put me down Peeta" she was still struggling but the weeks of hard work had made me strong again and I easily held onto her. I carried her upstairs into her en suite bathroom, lowering her onto a stool whilst I turned around to start running a bath.

"A bath?" her sarcastic reply made me turn back around, quick enough to see a sneering look on her face that almost looked like the old Katniss.

"That needs to be cleaned and you're so filthy that I thought, might as well get it all done" I snapped back, she coloured, embarrassed. I felt bad, wanting to tell her that she was beautiful, dirty or clean but stopped myself. I stood up, turning off the taps when the bath was half full. I turned around to see Katniss curled over on the stool.

"Here, I'll help you" I knelt down, holding out a hand to help her lift her shirt off her body. She shrank away.

"I think I can undress myself!" she snapped, it was so good to hear something of the old Katniss, to know she was still somewhere in there that I almost laughed. She grabbed the hem of her shirt with her left, uninjured arm and fumbled. She tried to move her right arm to help but cried out.

"Here" I motioned to her shirt and whipped it off in one movement.

"Stand" I ordered, pulling her slacks off her bony legs. It took me a second to realise she was naked and her uninjured arm was wrapped protectively over her bare chest. I quickly looked at her face and oddly found myself smiling, same prudish Katniss.

"What's so funny!" she had gone red again and I held out my hand to help her into the bath. She stepped in, pulling her knees to chest to hide as much of herself as she could. I knelt down to the bath, pulling up my sleeves and motioned for her to give me her injured arm. She placed it in my hands as I cupped some water and carefully poured it over the wound. She winced.

"I've seen it before Katniss" I had grabbed some antibacterial wash and was gently rubbing it into the would, Katniss winced again.

"When?!" She looked genuinely horrified, I wasn't sure whether to laugh or be insulted. I chose to laugh.

"We've been through two games and a rebellion together. Of course I've seen you naked, like you've seen me" I cocked my eyebrow, daring her to deny it. Knowing in our first games she had stripped me to wash me. " Looks clean now" I pointed to the wound that was surrounded by tanned, clean flesh now. I grabbed a towel and a bandage from the medicine cabinet, dabbed the wound clean and applied the bandage.

"You've not seen me like this" I turned back to her to see her running a finger along a scar on her collarbone along where the skin graft met her own tan skin. She looked sad as she touched it. I suddenly found myself wanting to strip off and show her all the scars and burns on my body. We're one and the same I wanted to say. "I can do the rest" she whispered.

She looked so tired I was worried she'd fall asleep in the water, so thin and fragile. I wasn't ready to stop touching her yet.

"I doubt it" I smiled softly at her. "I'll be done soon" I expected protests but she just lay back, straightened her body out and closed her eyes. She had retreated again, vacant. I grabbed a flannel and started washing her other arm, the curve of her jutting collarbone, down her chest to her protruding hip bones and finally her slim legs and bony feet.

"You need to start eating Katniss" I whispered, she turned her head from me as if my words were heavy on her face. I moved over so I was behind her, cupping more water to pour onto her hair. I grabbed a bottle of shampoo and conditioner Katniss's prep team must have brought up from the capitol, over three years ago now. I put some shampoo on my hands.

"Be gentle, it keeps falling out" her voice cracked at the end and my heart broke. I very gently ran my hands through her hair and even though it was matted and dirty it was amazing. I had always thought about running my hands through her thick hair, of course we'd done it for the cameras but here there was no one to see us. No one watching. For the first time in our lives we were utterly alone.

I allowed my eyes to stray for a split second, something I had been refraining from doing. I tried to see the scars, the damaged skin against the new pink skin, the ribs and bones. I tried to make her seem unappealing to me but my brain couldn't conjure up any other word except beautiful. Even battered and broken she was beautiful. The darkness of her hair highlighting her beautiful olive skin and bringing out the light in her beautiful grey eyes. The curve of her hair even when it was wet falling onto her beautiful delicate neck. I loved the muscle tone in her body, even now when she was skinny it was obvious in her biceps, her stomach, her slim legs that could run for miles. I always thought of Katniss's body like a bird's, slim, light and fragile looking but amassing such power within. Able to carry her for miles.

I snapped out of it quickly, touching her shoulder gently to make sure she wasn't asleep. She turned to me, her grey eyes looking straight into mine and I smiled at her. She turned her head from me like she did before. I carried her to bed, helped her into an old nightdress of her mother's and tucked her in.

"I'll stay here for tonight, just in case anything happens" I whispered.

"Use my mother's room" she croaked. I nodded, knowing Katniss wouldn't want anyone in Prim's room just yet. I was just leaving when I heard her speak again.

"Goodnight, Peeta" she whispered.

"Goodnight, Katniss" I answered.


	6. Chapter 5: Voice

**Chapter 5: Voice**

The next few weeks returned to the way they had been, although this time I stayed every night. Just in case. I felt a bit awkward essentially moving in without Katniss's permission but the morning after I bathed her she didn't even come downstairs and when I knocked later in the day she was lying on her bed tying and untying that rope again. She returned to her catatonic state once again. Sitting by the fire with Buttercup on her lap, not eating and just staring. She didn't say anything when I slowly started bringing my things over from my old house, she probably didn't notice. So, I took care of her. Sae only came over to visit weekly now, knowing that the house would be clean, food made even if Katniss didn't touch it. When she got too dirty I'd fill a bowl with warm water and run a cloth over her dirty arms, hands, her face. One night she had turned to me and croaked.

"Why?" her voice was again in my heart, it was strained like she was forgetting how to speak.

"Because, we look after each other. You and me." she had turned her head back to the fire and I had continued to wash her.

The sadness hung heavy in my heart but I knew this was my life now, taking care of her, rebuilding my home. I was as happy as I could be, having a purpose, somewhere I belonged again. It was just… I missed her. I was always reminding myself that Katniss was sitting right next door, it didn't feel like her though. Katniss had always been life itself, moving and breathing and _living._ Flitting and soaring through life like the bird she was named after. I guess even birds lose their way occasionally. I could still see her though, Katniss, inside that shell of a person and I knew she was strong enough to get back to herself. Like I had done, we could do this. Together.

So the days passed through spring and into Autumn and I found peace in my routine, with the volunteers piling on thick winter coats to continue with the rebuild. The outskirts of the city were all rebuilt, the Seam now housing sturdy economical houses made of brick so everyone had the opportunity to have a warm stable house. We'd started in the town square this week and I had found myself shunning the small mangled rock in the corner of the square where the last of my old life remained, I knew I'd have to face it eventually but I kept telling myself, not today, not today.

The day was long and we broke up early as it had started to snow, it was harder to work with the light disappearing early, the lights sent from thirteen for the rebuild barely giving any light.

We packed up quickly and quietly, everyone anxious to return to our warm homes.

"Should be done in a few months" Dart mentioned.

"My girl can't wait to move into our own place, the sharing is bothering her" Dart's friend Hyacinth smiled, his white teeth bright against his dark skin. He was one of the volunteers from 11 that had signed up as soon as the rebuild was offered.

"She wouldn't, not the way they had it in One" Dart smiled happily. I had seen Hyacinths fiance a few times around town. She was one of the few volunteers who had come from the richer districts, 1 and 2. I'd heard she'd once been part of a wealthy family with links to the Capitol but had left that life behind to join the rebels. Katniss would probably like her, I thought to myself.

"Well with the baby on the way I'm sure we'll be able to grab one of the new houses on the outskirts" Hyacinth smiled again at Dart. It seemed incredible to me that less than two years ago the districts were shut off, isolated, a friendship between men from 12 and 11? Impossible. A relationship between a girl from 1 and a boy from 11? Criminal. I had seen his fiance around town, helping with passing out lunch and water now she wasn't able to help physically with the rebuild. She was tall, blond and very beautiful - typical for District One girls brought up in wealth. I had often watched her waddle about town, her stomach rounded and full and wondered…. Many a time, I had seen her glance over at Hyacinth with a fed up look on her face, wanting to be able to be more involved. Katniss would definitely like her.

"Well Gleam will have to get to used it, whole new Panem now" Dart laughed as we reached the Victor's Village.

"There's a bunch of big free houses in the West Quadrant of the Victors Village that are unused, right by where I am. You know, if you wanted somewhere with more space" I offered. I had noticed that no one in town apart from Sae and Haymitch ventured into the West Quadrant. At first I though they prefered the East Quadrant because it was closer to town and had plenty of room but as more and more people entered District 12 as the town was being built I was surprised we didn't have more neighbours.

Dart and Hyacinth looked at one another. "We weren't sure if you guys were up for neighbours, after everything you'd been through the volunteers thought you might not want the noise of people walking about, kids, you know…" Hyacinth had gone red, as if embarrassed by the consideration of the volunteers. It always surprises me how grateful everyone was to us for the war, going as far as to make their lives uncomfortable to help us. There was an awkward silence as we all looked at one another.

"Also all you Victors are a bit loopy, who want's Haymitch as a neighbour?" Dart laughed, breaking the tension.

"He is mental but mostly he's asleep or shouting at his geese, so as long as you can deal with that anyone is welcome to come" I thought back to the street we lived on, empty except for us since we won the first games and Haymitch alone there for 23 years. I thought of Katniss alone in that house, not seeing anyone except me, Sae and occasionally Haymitch. It's be good for her to see people walking past outside, hear them talking and the kids playing and laughing. To know life was continuing even if she felt like hers was ending.

"Honestly, I think it'd be a good idea. You should think about it" I smiled at Hyacinth.

"Alright" he nodded "I'll talk to Gleam about it" we had reached the fork in the road that lead us to the East and West Quadrants. The two guys waved goodbye as we parted, following the streams of volunteers and I carried on alone.

I passed Haymitch who was sat on his porch, sleeping with a bottle at his side. Some neighbour.

I let myself into the warm house, the fire that I had started in the grate this morning still roaring peacefully.

"Hi Katniss" I said quietly, as I did everyday. I started dinner, warming up some soup Sae had dropped off, enough for two and added some grainey rolls I baked last night. I sat in the armchair next to Katniss's and we ate in silence, another daily ritual. She ate a little today which was a relief. When that was done I scooped up our bowls, cleaned them and started to bake.

For once in our lives District 12 had enough food to feed it's population but with the volunteers working so hard there was hardly anytime to make enough for everyone. Sae had taken on the main food duties, making huge meals for the volunteers everyday that she would drop off in the morning and take with her - with the help of the children - at lunch time in large containers to feed the volunteers. Now it was cold Plutarch had sent huge metal serving dishes that kept food hot so we all got a hot meal at lunch. Those from 11 spent an hour in the woods collecting berries and fruit in the morning for everyone to eat, an activity they seemed to relish, jumping from tree to tree and calling to each other in song before joining the rest of the volunteers. It reminded them of home probably. The baking of course fell to me, I'd often bake late into the night or be up early to finish off - not that I minded, I barely slept anyway.

So the routine continued, I would bake in the evening while Katniss sat by the fire often with Buttercup curled on her lap. I was kneading the dough, enjoying the cycle of pull and push that reminded me of being young and having my father's arms showing me what to do. Katniss was sat in her chair as usual but Buttercup seemed restless, he was meowing and pacing around the chair. Katniss picked him up and put him on her lap, shushing and stroking him to calm him down but still her meowed - a high painful sound.

Then she started to sing. Her voice was soft and clear like it always was when she'd sing, flitting through the melody and harmony like a bird in flight. Buttercup calmed almost instantly, sitting on her lap and looking up at her, entranced. I knew how the cat felt. She was singing a song i'd heard before, when little Rue lay in her arms - it used to held her sister sleep she'd once told me.

" _Deep in the meadow,_

 _Under the willow….."_

Her hands were running through Buttercups fur as the song continued, the result almost hypnotic as the cats eyes began to droop. I knew if any birds were around they would be silenced. I suddenly remembered my dad's words about Katniss's father "when he sings, the birds stop to listen". I saw a big strong man, dirty from the mines and tanned like his daughter singing and whistling as he talked with my father. His face was blurry but I could never forget the deep rumble of his voice as he went about town. I saw a beautiful dark girl, hair in two braids sitting proudly on a stool in front of assembly and singing in that soft clear voice.

" _The valley of dirt and dust,_

 _Trust in us for you must,_

 _Fall into the darkness,_

 _For all you have is trust"_

As a boy I never had much music in my life, or art, never had much beauty. It wasn't until I got older and my mother let me ice that I discovered my love for art. my love for beauty though began that one day, with the little girl whose hair was dirty and whose dress was too small sitting on a stool and captivating the room, the very birds with her voice. That was beauty and I had never got over it.

While in the Capitol, tortured and confused it was Katniss's voice on the propo that brought me back to myself.

" _Are you, are you_

 _Coming to the tree_

 _Where dead man called out, for his love to flee"_

I looked over to her, seeing her lips move and hearing the song. The song was finished before I realised and I found myself crying, embarrassingly. I felt weak, like I couldn't move and I leaned against the table and bowed my head. She was in there. She was beautiful.

"Why are you crying?" I looked up to see Katniss had walked over to the archway that connected the kitchen and the living room and was leaning up against it. Buttercup was circling her legs, looking up as if expecting another song.

"I'm sorry" I gruffed, pushing the tears of my face "It's just been awhile since I heard something beautiful" I looked up at her "Since I saw something beautiful."

She looked straight at me, she looked _through_ me the way only she could and I loved her.


End file.
